23 Healthy Habits to Build in 2023

*This is probably a good time to say that I’m not a therapist and this list is by no means a cure for anything, just a compilation of things that work for me, and that I hope work for you too.*

1. listen to less sad music 

This is for the sad boys and sad girls, you know who you are. Sad music can be good when you need a cathartic cry, because it’s productive, but too much of a good thing is always bad. Listening to sad music over and over just makes you more sad, and that’s not helpful. Make a playlist with happy music, and listen to it instead of Phoebe Bridgers the next time you’re sad. 

2. slow down

Being busy feels good, and doing things is good, but it’s really easy to get caught up in things that don’t matter and to lose track of the things that do. Not being present sucks, and taking the time to do the things that help you feel present is really important. One of the easiest ways to do this is by going for walks. Just take a walk dude. 

3. let go

You can’t change the past. It’s quite simply a fact. It’s really easy to dwell on your past mistakes, but doing so doesn’t do you or anyone else any good. Don’t dwell on the past, but also don’t ignore it, sit with it, and learn from it. That’s all you can do. And apologize if you need to. 

4. rest

Sleep is the foundation of feeling good. A lack of it just exacerbates whatever you’re struggling with. Stop watching TikToks, or Youtube shorts, or whatever your late night vice is, and go to bed.

5. focus on the positive

For whatever reason, our brains love to focus on the negative aspects of situations, and completely ignore the positive ones. This can look like fixating on negative feedback you got on a project, and completely forgetting all the things people liked, or remembering a huge chunk of your life as a bad experience, when in reality it wasn’t that bad. Try to push yourself to remember the good in things. The more you do, the more you’ll shift your outlook to one that is more grateful and optimistic.

6. let it rip

Okay don’t judge, this is from The Bear, which you need to see if you haven’t yet, but it really just means do the thing. Do you have a new project you’ve wanted to start for a while, but haven’t? There’s just something about starting anything, a piece of writing, a conversation, a relationship, that feels daunting, and usually prevents us from doing so. That something is usually a fear, usually of failure, and that fear is valid, but it can hold you back from so much joy, so you have to fight it. And the only way to do that is to start, which is the hardest part, so if you can just do that, you’re golden. 

7. feel your feels

Suppressing your emotions is bad. We’ve established this at this point, but I still included it because we still have a tendency to gaslight ourselves and invalidate our emotions. We usually do this because we feel like we’re being dramatic, but the reality is if you feel something, even if it’s small, that something needs to come out. And if you don’t let it out, whether it’s via a pillow punch, or a vent sesh, it’ll find its own way out eventually, and probably not in a good way. 

8. change your behavior

Therapy is great, ten out of ten would recommend, but it takes work, outside of therapy, for it to actually work. I’m talking about reflecting on your actions and your motivations, being honest with yourself, keeping yourself in check, and applying the tools you are learning. Real change happens when you make real changes. 

9. surround yourself with people you love

We are products of our environments, and if you’re not happy, part of the reason why might be because you’re spending your time with the wrong people. One piece of advice that changed my life was to shift my thinking from worrying about if people like me, to worrying about if I like them. Accept that not everyone is going to like you, and that it’s okay to not like everyone. We all just want to live our little lives with the people we love, and this acceptance will help you get there.  

10. judge less

Real shit, if you’re judging someone, it’s probably because you’re actually judging yourself. You really don’t know someone until you get to know them, and making assumptions about them is just rude and a reflection of our own insecurity. 

11. use your love languages

Love languages are so hot right now, but for good reason. Don’t you want to feel loved? Don’t you want to make others feel loved? These things exist for a reason. Do some thinking, do some talking, do some loving. 

12. communicate 

If you’re non-confrontational, communicating can feel really hard. It’s way easier to think of a million reasons not to say something than to say it. We feel like speaking up for ourselves, and asking for things is selfish, but everyone has needs, and people can’t read minds. The more you do it, the easier it will get, so do it.

13. be kind

The phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” has a really interesting message. Just because you’re nice, it doesn’t mean that people will be nice to you, which isn’t fair, but you shouldn’t do nice things just because you want nice things to happen to you, that’s transactional. Being kind, with no purpose beyond just being kind, can be really fulfilling. 

14. build the life you want 

The hard truth is that it’s really easy to get stuck living a life that you’re content with, but not happy with. Happiness doesn’t exist, but you should still strive for it. Do you like your routine? Do you like your job? Do you like where you live? Making big life changes can be scary, but it’s also really empowering. You are in control of your life.

15. be creative

If you’re in a creative field this is just a reminder to get to work. If you’re not, this still applies to you because anyone can be creative. Creativity comes in many forms, and it’s a skill that can be learned, like any other skill. I went to Plaster Fun Time recently (real ones know), and it was amazing. I’m not a painter, but I thought about what colors to use, and I slowed down, and I was focused, and I felt good. You get in a flow state when you’re being creative. You express yourself, and you find yourself, and those are good things to do. 

16. do what makes you happy 

This might sound obvious, but we really struggle with it. Why? Because life (work, stress, drama, our self etc.) often gets in the way, and it takes effort. What I really mean here is to do the things that make you happy. For me, these include: writing, watching movies, making movies, running, playing soccer, cooking, spending time with the people I love, and helping others. Obtaining things won’t make you happy, experiencing things will make you happy. Happiness is a feeling that comes and goes, and understanding this will help you appreciate and value the people and things that make you feel it. 

17. control what you can control 

And don’t try to control what you can’t. It’s the best way to approach issues in relationships, and also just any situation in life. If you worked really hard on a job application, your job is done. That’s all you can do. If you initiate a conversation with someone to try to work on an issue, you did your part. If they lash out at you, that’s not your fault. Be active in change when you can, and recognize when you can’t. Doing so allows you to save your energy for what matters, and to keep your peace in the face of conflict.

18. stop the spiraling 

Just don’t be anxious? Like just don’t? Okay? Easier said than done, I know, but starting to do this has been extremely helpful for my anxiety. If you’re like me, something small can turn into something big really fast. If I mess up at work, I can immediately feel like I’m gonna get fired, or I’ll overanalyze a facial expression a friend makes, and think that they hate me. Try to stop yourself when these thoughts start to pour in, and bring yourself back to reality. Our brains often jump to conclusions and create problems that don’t exist, and the more you try to build up the voice that checks in with yourself, the faster you’ll be able to get back to reality, which is where you wanna be.

19. treat yourself 

This is another small change that yields big results. Obviously not everyone is rich, and spending outside of your means is not good, but a little goes a long way here. I’m talking about getting guac at Chipotle, or getting that t-shirt at the flea market you really like. You deserve it. 

20. admit when you’re wrong 

Okay obviously in any scenario it’s really important to take responsibility, but we really struggle to do so, especially in petty arguments. Maybe it’s because we’re avoiding the shame of being wrong, but by doing so we’re actually just snowballing our own shame, while also shaming other people, which is not good. Just say you were wrong. It’s not that hard. 

21. help others

Okay obviously your well-being comes first, and no one else’s is your responsibility, but if you’re good, if you have the energy or the resources to help people, then do so. Everyone needs help. Check in on your friends, call your mom, give a dollar to that person you’re walking by who doesn’t have a home. 

22. listen 

I was in a conversation recently that wasn’t really a conversation because everyone kept interrupting each other. It was crazy. Listening can be hard, I get it, I’ve been a bad listener, but you can and should be better. It just requires some intentionality. So set the intention to listen in your conversations, like actually and actively listen. When you do, people will feel heard, which is important, and they’ll want to listen to you, and you can have an actual conversation!

23. listen to Alex G 

Okay I may have run out of things to say. Also, I know I’m late here, and I have to shout out my roommate Jackson for hipping me, but yeah, listen to his Tiny Desk.